talvin: (Default)
[personal profile] talvin
In the past, I have complained about how we are discussing "Rape Culture". I still have a lot of complaints: it has become something that can be used to bludgeon any male (and some females) you might happen to disagree with. (And if you disagree with ANY argument or assertion about Rape Culture, you automatically think it is OK to rape women. Which just validates my complaint, really.)

Lest people think I disagree with everything, I give to you an excellent short piece by Kamela Dolinova: http://powerinyourhands.wordpress.com/2013/05/29/childhood-consent-and-learning-to-be-human/

I have had to deal with a lot of people (the majority of whom are women in my experience! But men as well) who don't quite get this "consent" thing. I tend to think of "Rape Culture" as part of a broader problem: the fact that we are never supposed to say "No." It's rude, how dare you! If you say "No" to someone, you have wronged them and must apologize and make restitution. "Rape Culture", to me, is an attempt to restrict the right to set boundaries to matters sexual. Wait, so it is OK for someone to refuse Sex, but it is not OK to say, "Actually, I would rather not give you access to my LiveJournal, and I don't feel I owe you an explanation for that." Yet the last two people to get banned from this blog have been self-proclaimed "Feminists", and both of them pitched tantrums over it. Huge sense of entitlement going there. In one case, it very nearly cost me my job, because the person brought pressure on me through my work to open up my personal blog to her. My employer and I no longer connect through Social Media now because of that. Our friendship has grown smaller because I said "No" and somebody couldn't cope.

My objection to "Rape Culture" debates is not that I disagree with women's right to boundaries, it is that I extend that basic right over a much broader spectrum, regardless of gender, and beyond reproductive organs. I see it as one part--a very important part, to be sure!--of a much broader problem.

If you set a Boundary, you are a Bad Person. OK: I'm a Bad Person. Now go away.


talvin: (Default)

June 2014

222324 25262728

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 22nd, 2017 03:23 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios